Tuesday, March 3, 2009

Mistaken Nationality, Fermintation, and Ratings

Talking with my good friend Greg, we came to the conclusion that Peace Corps is the greatest untapped potential for a sitcom. Everything you need is here: crazy cast of characters, interesting situations (both funny and exciting), drama, and intrigue to leave people on the edge of their seats. How many episodes of 'Friends' could feature a donkey cart ride, home-made alcohol, and neighbors thinking you work for the CIA? With this in mind, I present for your viewing pleasure, the first installment of (working title only) "Peace Corps Millionaire"

Ext. Long Shot, Afternoon

(An empty street, with more stray dogs than cars. Bloc apartments dominate the frame, making a guessing game of what year we are actually in.)

Long shot of a lonely figure walking past a giant Mural of Alice Cooper

Quick close-up on all things American: Northface logo, nike swoosh on shoes, and ipod cord dangling off

[With an homage to 'Do The Right Thing', the main character walks over a chalk drawing in the street, which has "Peace Corps Millionaire" written]

Only sound heard is coming from the ipod; Flo-Rida

Suddenly a loud voice booms:

English! English!

[A confused Peace Corps volunteer looks around, then does the obvious thing, and finally looks up to see Victor on his balcony]

Oh, strazti. Az ne English. Asum ot America

[Victor, a man of 50, white a great white beard and matching fro, looks, smiles, and says:]

Come, English

(To himself)
Does he need a map,...England doesn't even look like America...

Cut to Int. Victor's "office": A basement room full of bottles, tools, and two giant barrels of a clear substance that is definitely not water

(Talking a mile a minute, with the only understood words being "English")

(Nodding politely)
Yep,...oh, yeah,...most def,....yep,...still American.....

[With a lull in the "conversation", Victor pulls out two glasses, and proceeds to scoop out liquid from the two ominous containers]

[He hands one to PCV, and says, "Nas Gravi!". They clink glasses, and PCV downs his like a fraternity pledge. Victor sips his patiently]

(Having a mini spasm)
Woah,...(coughing),...that ah,...thats,...mnogo dobre

(Stunned to see it downed so fast)
Eschus li?

Another? Sure,..I mean, I can do one more...what is this?

[Flash cut to black and white montage]

V.O. "Welcome to the history of Rikyia" There are no South African breweries to give you peace of mind, or label approved by the FDA. All I have is a man and his word. The word is in jumbled Bulgarian, but the toothless grin tells me all I need to know: This clear substance may or may not be strong enough to power a car. Those of you saying "Well, how strong can it really be?" don't know your Bulgarian liguors. American beverages such as Smirnoff or Jack Daniels top out at around 40% proof. Typcially, rikia is about 55% proof and makes your tummy feel all warm and fuzzy. Also, it is suppose to cure all major headaches, fevers and stomach aches (no scientifically approved but rigorously supported by the local 55 and over crowd).

[Snap back to the present]

[Camera follows glass to PCVs lips, and then appears to seamlessly follow the glass back down, only to reveal a whole host of other glasses. Its been close to an hour)

No, no, no....Randal Cunningham,...any day of the week.

(Wobbling slightly)
[From Bulgarian] You,...you,..look like snoopy

[Jump ahead 26 1/2 minutes)

(Eyes are completely glassed over now)
Now,...I don't speak Bulgarian to ...good...but,ah,.."As e te, shte pisha rikyia vasecki den" [Subtitled as "I and you will drink rikyia every day"]....cool? Alright,...catch ya on the flip side...



[Fade to black. Single word appears: Integration. Fade to black]

Well, thats a slice of life that I-,..or someone like me has encountered. Stayed tuned for next week's installment, and maybe, in the near future, it will become a webisode. For now, use your imagination and hope all is well in all the land (B-to-I-to-S-to-C)

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