It's Always Sunny in Bulgaria

Broken Toes, Conan and Chair Basketball

2010-06-11T04:16:00.000-07:00

That could very well be the most bizzare, intriguing, confusing title I have ever written for a blog post. However, it will all make sense soon enough. Let me just get a few things out of the way:
1) Its finally nice here. Not metaphorically, or emotionally, but sunny, warm, and with copious amounts of daylight.
2) I forgot how to read or write for 8 months. Excuse me.
3) The official countdown has begun: 4 months left.

Ok, with that out of the way, June, has been very cruel and kind to me. I was blessed with two of my favorite people, Neil and Ashely, (or Nashely for the tabloids)for a visit to K-town. The way this trip started? Neil called and asked: "Do you want to two personal chefs?". Phenomenal time, and the world has introduced to the next great pizza creation: The Conan (recipe at the bottom). However, when life is up, it must come down. This cruel twist of fate was played out by my toe, which is now broken and was kind enough to leave a contusion in the arch of my left foot. So that sucks. I coach basketball 6 days a week, and this week I went to practice, set up a chair at the free throw line, and shot a couple hundred times. Kids actually thought this was better, and set up numerous chairs around me to participate. Good times with the kids.

BUT, you are still asking yourself: whats up with Conan? Well, Hollywood came to town. The big budget remake of the 1982 classic "Conan the Barbarian" was filming in Kavarna for a few days. Completely by chance I stumbled across the set, and was lucky enough to meet number 28 on the Maxim Hot 100 List, Rachel Nichols. Some times it just pays to be a peace corps volunteer,...

Conan Calzone

Buffalo wing sauce, 1 cup
Chicken breast 16 ounces
Diced onions, 1/2 cup
Blue cheese, 1/4 cup
Be a Barbarian

Peter Pan Paintball

2010-02-18T02:42:00.000-08:00

(Actual Conversation. I was saving this for my memoirs, but times change)

Neil
dude
12:27pmTobias
hey homie
12:27pmNeil
never....ever....ever....wear a pair of mini shorts with cut out sides
EVER
i had this dream that you and I were meeting up to go paintball
12:28pmTobias
hahaha
12:28pmNeil
and you showed up absolutely smashed
12:28pmTobias
to go paintballing>

Neil: yea, so we were supposed to meet up to go paintball
me: ok,...
Neil: and then you showed up completely smashed and said that some british dudes got you drunk and made you dress up as peter pan
then you wanted to go buy candy to throw at greg, so you bought hard candies and we found greg in an arcade
me: ...
Neil: he was playing a motor cycle game which i begged to join in as the side car/gun operator man
and Jamie was there playing a rambo game
then otis jumped on my head!
and that woke me up

When Dogs Attack or Stare For an Uncomfortably Long Time

2009-10-02T10:58:00.001-07:00

My daily run/run away from my troubles took place at a soccer field conveniantly located behind my bloc apartment. Usually my jog consists of willing myself to do 30 laps, but on a cold thursday in october, I had an unwelcome visitor. As I rounded the corner of my bloc, I hear what I think is a human walking, but with really noisy, hard bottomed shoes. What do my wandering eyes come upon but a dog the size of bethoveen (st. bernard, not deaf musican). Stray dogs are nothing new in my line of work, so I do a double take then be on my way. But no. This dog starts to mimick me. I go left, it (not he or she) goes left. I start to walk backwards but it keeps the same distance between us. My mind goes to straight to FOX's 'When Animals Attack" and every grizzly youtube video there is. In my arsenal at this moment I have 1) a house key 2) baggy running shorts, thanks in no small part to the prolonged case of food poisoning. And thats it. All I can think of at this point in terms of strategy is coughing really loud and shuffling my feet (damn sting rays). I am truly inbetween a rock and a man-eating monster. What could make this better? Three kids ride up on bikes, look at me, the bear, and decide they should stick around for the outcome. They sit down and stare. Popcorn could of been served and I would not have been surprised. Next thing I know, a 60 year old woman is behind me, and with no greater concern that an ant, she shoos the 'thing' away. Gives me a toothless smile, and walks away. Yeah,...thats Tuesday. Can't wait for Wednesday.

When Hibernation Ends

2009-09-19T11:24:00.000-07:00

Sometimes life can sneak up on you. Other times you can get food poisoning, a fever and all kinds of stomach aliaments which rhyme with Maria, and be stuck in bed for a week. Then, life hits you hard, like haunted house you didn't pay for or know about in advance. With that in mind, here's a run down of what has transpired since I became good friends with Pepto-Bismal:

'And the clouds doth parted, with golden rays illuminating all they touched as if from the hand of Jordan thine self"
Translation: The Athlethic Complex is finally finished making my life so, so wonderful. There is two full basketball courts, volleyball court and a tennis court. Dreams do come true.

I had no idea it would finish so quickly, almost being completed over a course of a long weekend. Then a few more things snuck up on me...

This next one was genuinely completed in one weekend andd took me by surprise.

Oh snap, the 'wind' of change has arrived in mural form. The Cold War is totally scared right now.

Life can't much better, unless someone decided to update the favorite ride of my childhood (and teenage years, and my 20's,..)

Star Tours II? Say what?

Well thats just freaking incredible...
And the single funniest tv show of all time is coming back with a 5th season?

Whats next; my favorite baseball team somehow teaming up with my favorite film franchise to produce an evening of unrivaled nerdom and amazing food? (the following is from the Dodger's Team Website)

"Join the Dodgers for a special celebration of Star Wars: The Clone Wars on Saturday October 3rd when the boys in blue battle the Rockies. The festivities will include appearances by Star Wars and Clone Wars characters before and during the game and the entertainment will feature Star Wars trivia and clips throughout the night.

Sit in My Town on Star Wars Night and you'll enjoy an all inclusive menu featuring Cloneburgers with Cheese, R2-BBQ Pulled Pork Sandwiches and Ice Sabers (popsicles) plus you'll also receive a limited edition MY TOWN THIS IS t-shirt featuring Yoda! Space is limited in My Town so purchase your tickets today and may the force be with you.

Fans are encouraged to dress in their own STAR WARS costumes and for this special night only, are permitted to wear STAR WARS masks only in the My Town section. Lightsabers will not be allowed into Dodger Stadium. "[emphasis added by me,...because that is the first time in pro sports history that sentence has been used]

With that said, all I can say is....(sound of person running down stairs, hailing a cab, pulling up to an airport, plane taking off...)

Duck and Cover

2009-08-06T01:43:00.000-07:00

(Background on today's entry: I spent 13 years living in Orange County, between the formidable years of 8-21, which, before I arrived from the sunny skies of Seattle, Washington, was Earthquake country. I moved into my house 2 weeks after the infamous Northridge Earthquake, and 1/3rd of elementary school was spent 'preparing' for the big one. Jumping under my desk at the slighest sisemic movement was like watching Simpsons sunday, at 8pm: clockwork. However, I had the unusual experience of never actually being in an earthquake. During not one but THREE earthquakes I was out of the state. The one time there was supposedly a quake, I was in my pool, and naturally assumed with my preadolescant mind that my cannonball was just that awesome. Secondly, I was involved in a tremor during my college years at the UC Santa Cruz, and to be fair,...it was friday night, mid-way through a third game of beer pong. All I remember is my friend and roommate looking confused, and running for a door frame, while myself and my other roommate continued playing BP, not entirely sure if the Natty Ice was kicking in a little more than usual. With this resume of earthquake activitiy, the following story can commence)

(Oh, and I've been on the Earthquake ride at Universal Studios at least 15 times)

Time line: 10:30am- I am up at the crack of 10am, ready to start my day. Snooze button has only been hit twice, with 45 minutes intervals.

10:40- Omlette is cooked to perfection, or enough to satisfy my morning craving for anything eatible.

10:43- ESPN.com, feeds my other craving.

10:45- My world begins to shake, violently.

10:45:02- My mind tells me "hey, dude, this is an earthquake"

10:45:04- The following phrases go through my mind "Stop, drop and roll", "Point, aim, shoot", "Only you can prevent forest fires"....but nothing relative to Earthquake safety.

10:45:09- I realize that my apartment has no table to hide under, and is essentially the cabin of the SS Minnow.

10:45:11- Door frame! I jump out into the hall, do an Atlas pose in the doorway and hope for the best.

10:45:13- DAMNIT, my dvds are falling. Hours and hours spent alphabetizing...Arrested Development is now nestled next to X-Files,...years of theraphy will be needed to erase this.

10:45:15- Phew, the tectonic plates have stopped gettin' their grove on. The world returns to normal.

10:45:17- I realize what I am wearing: Boxer briefs,...and only boxer briefs...in the hallway of my apartment building.

Official report: According to the European-Mediterranean Seismological Center, the earthquake was of the magnitude of 4,7 on the Richter scale with an epicenter 61 km east of Varna, 24 km east of Kavarna and 20 km southeast of Shabla.

[The DVDs are now safely back in their there place. Let's call take a deep breath]

The Week That Was

2009-07-27T00:47:00.000-07:00

Few things can stop me in my track: A hundred dollar bill, a Swedish Super model with a film question, two tickets to the Superbowl, OR......A poster for "Bangkok Dangerous" ...in Bulgarian. There is one lonely DVD rental store in town, and its open about once every 4 days. However, they do a pretty good job keeping a new rotation of posters in the windows, and on July 15th, a ray of light in the form of Nic Cage rained down from Heaven. I simply stared at this poster in the window for a solid 30 seconds, went into the store to find a) it was actually open, b) posters inside were even more amazing and c) a 14 year old girl was the sole employee. I politely said, in my best Bulgarian, "I want that poster". She looked at me...there was a brief second of awkwardness,...she replied "this one?" And then as soon as I answered, it was rolled up in front of me. She wouldn't even let me pay for it. She just smiled, and said "enjoy".

Bruce Willis has crossed the Pond,...and all of Europe to arrive in Bulgaria, in the form of a new billboard for Vodka. (Picture coming shortly) But until then, imagine Jon McClaine with his trademark smirk, black leather jacket, and leaning on,...a giant medieval sword. Priceless.

In the rolladex of my friends, I can add one very important piece: special agent. I met someone who works for the Department of Justice Drug Enforcement Administration, and sure enough when he handed me his card, it said "Special Agent".

On when of my frequent trips to the beach, I noticed an american football laying next to an umbrella (this is a rare occurance, like Sasquasch). I got a little excited over the prospect of an american, or just someone who is a fan of the old pigskin/synthetic leather. I am within 10 feet of the ball, when two kids run over, and start playing with the ball,...with there feet,...and proceed to kick it around for a solid 20 minutes. NFL Europa, why did you leave us??

And lastly, I have a new addition to "Ways you can butcher the name 'Tobias'". I spent a good 6 hours getting to know someone last weekend, and at the conclusion of the day, the customary "hey, let me get your number" comment came up, and I punched in my digits in this persons phone, and after a slight pause typed in my name. I took a quick glance to see if the number was correct and saw before me "Thabayas".

Thats all for now. Hope all is well and good in the homeland

Rocked

2009-07-15T00:26:00.000-07:00

To summarize: The best and most effective way to meet 70's era rock stars is to join Peace Corps Bulgaria.

Super nice guy, that John Lawton. The Youth Center I work at created a mosaic for him (only 7,000 individual pieces) and I happened to be having breakfast in the same restaurant. My co-worker casually asks me "Would you like to meet John Lawton?" I wieghed my options, realized I had finished eating, looked at my confused friends all mouthing to each other "who is John Lawton" and went for it....all for you blog readers.

(and in case you were wondering, take a look at this 'Spinal Tap'-esque clip)

Drafting Dreams

2009-06-26T04:33:00.000-07:00

Remember when watching the NBA Draft still left a feeling of "one day, that could be me"? Those days before the spirit crushing of 'cuts' in high school sports, or a time before 'playing time' became an issue. A simpler time when playing was just playing; not trying to impressive or prove your manhood on every single posession. With the NBA Draft taking place this morning (or night for those lucky few in the Pacific Time Zone,...not GMT+2) I had a profound sensation of years past, and the wonder and awe that came with seeming giants walk on to a stage, hold a randomly colored jersey and an ill fitting hat. The mystery and allure it created was enough to get any kid away from SNES and in the drive way shooting jump shots until his arms went numb. Of course, the sheer reality of poor genetics, ashtma, or just plain lousy athletic ability squashed many of these dreams right around the time when you started to notice girls. But this morning, seeing flashbacks to previous drafts, even highlights of Charles Barkley walking to the podium in a burdandy suit, or big Shaq Diesel looking like the happiest kid, and even the rain man, Shawn Kemp...it was like being 8 again, thinking that one day that could be me.

And then Stuart Scott had to say this: "Number 5 pick, Rick Rubio is the first player to be selected who was born after 1990"

Well, thanks Stu. I don't feel old at all.

And in a completely unrealted topic, I've told all the kids I coach in basketball to only refer to me as "Coach Bombay" and we repeatedly chant "2018 is our time to shine"

"Daye Tok r Jobbbss"

2009-06-22T04:53:00.000-07:00

Random notes from a week of Intrigue and Suspense

-Bulgarian with excellent English skills asks "Are you from Utah?". I said no, and asked why he made this assumption. He told me "Everyone from Utah is coming to Bulgaria to take our jobs".....and then stunned silence.

-Was told I look like a hippie and offered a 100 lev to cut my hair. However, the man offering the money was rocking a glorious Billy-Ray mullet, with more than its fair share of "party".

-Saw 'Terminator: Salvation". Final count of scenes with Christian Bale yelling: 11

-Danced with a babba, showed bulgarians how to do the salt shaker move (thats all I got) and then was freaked by another babba.

-Met a Canadian paratrooper on shore leave from Afghanistan....ay

-In Bulgaria, before you drink it is customary to toast with the words "Nas Gravi", which translates to "to your health". In a particulary occurance, Bulgarians like to show off their foriegn language skills and say "cheers" around me. Now, on the basketball court, whenever I sneeze, the kids say "cheers".

And its summer offically. Take it easy everyone; the calendar says so

"You guys want to basket?"

2009-06-13T05:50:00.000-07:00

Roughly 1/3rd of my life is consumed by by the semi-religion known as basketball. Luckily, I have discovered a group of like minded individuals who live and breathe b-ball (or as it is commonly referred to as "let's play basket"). I've been playing 6 days a week (Sunday is 'Grey's Anatomy' day) and there is a constant 6-10 people playing with me. Some days I will play with kids born after Y2K, other times it will be high schoolers and even a few guys older than myself. No matter the age range, its good times. A few highlights:

- Some one asked me "Who is better: Kobe or Lebron?" and I started to break down their respective games, when a boy walked by and said with complete confidence "Jermaine O'Neal".

- Middle of a game, tied up, 2 points away from the end, and someone casually walks off the court, lights up a cigarette, takes a couple puffs, and rejoins the game.

- Playing with the 2 foot terror squad aka 3rd graders, I dribbled around one then went for a lay up. One kid, Mitko, demanded the ball, proceeded to jump up and down, dribble as fast as he could and throw the ball somewhere in the vicinity of the hoop. And then proclaimed "As sum Tobeee!" ('I am Toby). Which led to everyone else on the court trying to dribble wildly, and anoint themselves "As sum Tobe 2!", "As sum Tobe 3!", etc. I was told I could have 'Tobe 0".

- A new verb has sprung up: 'I kobied that!"

- No matter how many years pass, fake retirements, bad movies or new stars emerge, one constant shall remain in Eastern European basketball courts: Michael Jordan is still king.

[I always forget to bring my camera, so I don't have any pictures. This image seems to do a good job illustrating my job in teaching basketball....or not,...it just makes me laugh] Hope all is well across the pond, in it, and all around it.

p.s. Its Panda-monium!

[Care of "warmingglow"]

Bulgaria and YOU

2009-06-04T02:15:00.000-07:00

Culture shock can be a strange experience, not unlike a hangover or turf toe (well, not really,...) but-....wait,...

Ok, culture shock can strike at anytime; anywhere; there is no stopping it!

No,...

So I made this video with the help of Greg and Glenn to illustrate the finer points of Bulgaria vs. America. Enjoy (Or don't enjoy...in which case feel free to spit in 4 days of all-nighters trying to finish this)

Like football and hot-wings

2009-05-27T05:52:00.000-07:00

Once in a great while, there is a convergence of everything you love in life. This is a delicate task because far too often the combinations just don't come out right (example: putting peanut butter AND jelly in the same jar...gross). But like the mythical summer blockbuster that makes a ton of money AND critics love, there is a few fleeting moments where a beam of light shines down on us. I refer of course to the following:

Will Ferrell + Bear Gryls = Awesome town

Toe-bee-us: A Look Back

2009-05-24T13:10:00.000-07:00

Well folks, the clock continues to tick and the days fly by. If you were about to say "Hey, haven't you been in Bulgaria exactly 10 months" you would be correct. Sure doesn't seem like I've spent the better part of a year abroad, in the land of,...well,...I'm not sure,..."goat's milk"? Either way, I thought it would be interesting to see my evolution over the course of these last 10 months, because hitting double digits is way more important than the year mark (take that every news story ever)

Oh Panichishte...I was like a young fawn...skating on ice,...with ball-bearings,...and axle grease,...and the fawn isn't particularly coordinated to begin with.

So full of hope, optimism, and low alcohol tolerance

Social integration at its finest (My host dad is a hustler; says he has never heard of American drinking games...lies!)

"Let me tell you about my best friend..."

Found my biological son...still won't talk to me

Site Placement Day: agony, ecstasy, fear, kindergarten flashbacks

Wearing a tie instantly makes you important,...or a Peace Corps Volunteer

I started to move up in society, which translated to sitting in the mayor's desk when he was away

Then the winter hit,...

Was mistaken for Kurt Cobain on New Year's

Joined a Christian Rock Band

And that about sums it up: I like dogs, people and cold weather makes me grow a handle bar mustache.

Hope all is well across the pond. And to those you have just arrived in the land of Banitsa, Rikia, and Dimitar Berbatov....the good times have only just begun.

Baskoccer

2009-05-22T04:04:00.000-07:00

Basketball: Amazing game played across countless courts across America
Soccer: Amazing game played across countless fields all over the world

Both utilize agility, footwork, hand-eye coordination, teamwork and skill

...yet when you take a group of soccer players and try to teach them basketball, disastorous (sometimes humorous) results take place.

I've been playing basketball after school for about three weeks now, and every day I usually have a following of about 7-9 kids, which usually balloons to 15 by the time the game is over. Most of these kids are devoted followers of the worldwide religion known as "FUTBOL!!!", but they are eager to try there hand at basketball...yet that can't quite seem to grasp a new sport without holding onto the old one.

Example #1) The idea of defense. 8 kids swarm for the ball, throwing everything from elbows to ankles into the fray. Yet, as soon as the ball is free from this scrum of commotion, they all give up, letting the lone warrior standing quard take on 4 or 5 people coming at him full speed.

Example #2) Breaks. I know this is not a fluke, or happenstance due to one of two people. This happpens EVERY game. Someone scores a basket, or steals the ball, and whoever the point guard or "play maker" as it is known over here, will just crouch down when he doesn't have the ball anymore. Literally. No defense, or help your team out; just taking a breather at mid-court.

Example #3) Celebrations. Unlike the single-digit world of soccer, basketball likes its scores to be in the teens, twenties or dare I say triple digit range. So scoring a basket can be somewhat of a nonevent due to the regularity with which it occurs. Not so. Every basket either team scores results in a full team celebration, at which point the other team runs past and scores a basket, and the celebrations begin again, only to usher in another un-guarded attack. I've been slowly working on the high five and other such celebrations which can keep the momentum of the game going.

Example #4) Faking. I've seen my share of divers in the premiership or Seria A, and it has clearly polluted the youth of Bulgaria. One kid dribbled, then accidently dribbled on his foot, only to curl into a ball, yelling for a foul...didn't really understand all that was happening (and 3 seconds later he took the ball the entire length of the court).

Example #5) The one kid who starts dribbling the ball with his feet,...well, I guess you get the idea by now.

But no matter how the game is played or what influences they carry to the court, its been a blast playing. This fall I am supposedly going to be in charge of an actual team at the high school. So, when that day comes, I got hoop dreams,...and I got 'em bad.

Gone Puppy, Gone

2009-05-20T03:07:00.000-07:00

My life was filled with joy for exactly 47 days. I was blessed with four of the greatest friends a person could ever ask for. They never wanted anything from me other than a pat on the head, and a scratch behind the ear. Every time I saw them, they would all jump up and down, making my life infinitely better. These were my boys; my crew, my peeps, my homies. I even had the privilage of naming them. I took each name to heart. There was Luke, Seth, Sandy and Ryan. Each one had a special persona that shined every time they wagged there tail. I truly loved these little bundles of fur and joy. But tonight, they are gone. The last puppy (Seth, my favorite) has found a new home. I know they will all go on to lead fufilling, rich lives. Ryan might even go to med school like he always dreamed about, and I see pro ball in Sandy's future. Who knows, maybe Luke will ask out the dog from across the street. The world is full of possibiliites at this point. All I know for certain is how much I loved these guys and how much they will be missed.

Dolph the Tour Guide

2009-05-20T02:37:00.000-07:00

"Hey, Tobias, what's it like over there?"

Great question hypothetical person.

The answer lies in this clip

This straight to DVD action extravaganza starts ultimate Communist badass Ivan Durago aka Dolph Lungren. The film is about something (I wasn't really paying attention) but he entire movie was filmed right here in Bulgaria.

You get a peak at old communist style blocs, the capital city and at the 0:35 mark you get a nice view of the Nemski cathedral...and Dolph Lungren is the prototypical Bulgaria...if this were Russia,...so no, he is not Bulgarian. Forget that last sentence completely.

Hope this clears things up.

UPDATE

My friend sent me this link. This is Buglaria movie production at its finest

BG FM

2009-05-20T02:15:00.000-07:00

Thanks to the beauty and eternal mystery of Bulgarian music tastes, I had the pleasure of hearing the following songs on my short walk to work (all through the magic of outdoor cafes)

1). "We Are The World"-Every Famous Person from the 80's (Fun Fact: Even Dan Akroyd!)

2). Friend's Theme- by,...ah,...the band whose only song is the 'Friend's Theme'

3). "Ayo Technology" Remix- You would assume Diddy is behind this one, but oh no,...oh no. I heard a remix involving a whinny voiced Buglarian accompanied by a guitar and a beat straight out of 1994. I will search to the ends of the Earth to find it.

4). "Thong Song"- Yep,...yep.

5). "Back in Black"- The greatest band ever,...according to everyone in a 50 mile radius.

Not even XM/Sirius can provide the variety supplied here.

Hope all is well across the homeland and abroad (Shout out to Bangalore)

Luftansa airlines is sweet

2009-05-17T08:17:00.001-07:00

Before:

Now:...well,...kind of...

D-Day,..Judgement Day,...um,...Day of Reckoning,...Day "WhereSomethingImportantIsAboutToHappen". A new group of eager, enthusiastic, possibly scared volunteers is about to embark on the great journey known as 'Peace Corps Bulgaria'. I've changed significantly since my wide-eyed trip from Washington D.C. to Sofia, Bulgaria and with a new group arriving,...I feel like the intern who finally got a really desk and doesn't have to get coffee any more. Might be the over-abundance of "Scrubs" reruns in my life, or might be a job that is starting to take shape; both in activities and fufillment. And like JD on Scrubs, I'm excited to meet the newbies. I can't wait to tell someone "No, she's not mad at you; that's how you tell someone to come over in Bulgaria" and "Its rikyia,...go slow...it tastes like pure gasoline". Can't wait.

So in conclusion, I can not find the following items in Bulgaria, and if you have them lying around, do me a solid, and stuff them into your already crammed suitcases:

Comic books- I have a comic book club at my work, and like taco bell, comics are non-existent here. Anything is acceptable...even Archie comics.

Film Magazines- I also have a film club and with a limited Bulgarian vocabulary, it's tricky to describe a movie without pictures or images.

Spice Packets- taco seasoning, fajita mix, etc

Any books, brochures, cocktail napkins, or sticky notes pertaining to: Yoga, American Football, environment/nature or music will go miles at my work.

Thanks a ton everybody.

I wish you all smooth sailing and a pleasant journey. Bolivia, here y-,...Bulgaria here you come!

Happy Mother's Day

2009-05-11T11:01:00.000-07:00

I wanted to take a moment to reflect on the people that make Peace Corps a blast and so devastatingly heartbreaking. I want to give a giant shout out to the people who tuck us in at night and wake us up (usually against a forceful amount of struggling). I speak of course about the wonderful, super-duper, fantastic, always comforting, omniscent, super-beings known throughout the land as 'mothers'. So I this mother's day, I wanted to say a little something to the women who make our lives a little easier, ask a few more questions then necessary about our significant others, and never fail to cure us on a sick day.

I wanted to speak about all mom's, but unfortunetly for the un-biased nature of "Its' Always Sunny in Bulgaria", I can only truthfully speak about a certain 'Momma Hewitt', aka my mom. (However, I will try my best to cultivate this entry from the wealth of wonderful mothers I have encountered). From the time I was small enough to hid behind your leg in times of fear or anxiety, to when reading was a complex challenge and Dr. Seuss the arena of competition, to successive first days of school, from pre-school to senior year, even to hours before a prom or homecoming when I was reassured "you look so handsome", to band-aids applied with a surgeons precision, to school plays with one spectator clapping just a little louder than anyone, to thoughtful emails about how the weather is in America and how that crazy language called Bulgarian is working out, to nearly cracking my sternum with a goodbye hug at Seattle International Airport.... ...there remained one constant: the ever present love and affection of my mom.

From the east coast to the west coast and everywhere up, down, left, right, or above,...Happy Mother's Day! (You deserve it)

King Conan-...youbelievethisisactuallyhappening?

2009-05-08T09:41:00.000-07:00

Hey Sports fans-

Per my normal morning routine, I get up just a smidge after 10:30, fire up the skillet, and turn on my trusty Macbook. Beyond the usual box-scores of sporting events which I will never again see live, I peruse a few film websites to keep up-to-date on whats going on in Hollywood (and sometimes Bollywood). Today, was unlike any other. I scroll day "Aintitcoolnews.com" to discover a savory piece of info on the forever in production "Conan the Barbarian" remake (its not a sequel, its not a prequel or even a re-imagining!) and this sentence hit me like,...well,...something heavy that causes damage:

[From Producer Joe Gatta]
"We have a potential start-date on Conan of August 24. And we’ll be shooting in Bulgaria. I would say though the emphasis is on Conan [rather than Red Sonja]. It’s our crown jewel here at the company and that will be the leader. Red Sonja probably won’t happen until next year, as far as making it goes. So we want to launch Conan and reinvent the franchise."

SAY WHATTT?

A few minutes later and I even found out the potential film studio. This is big....very, big. And just to summarize the last nine months of my life, and for those of your keeping track at home:

The Best Way to:

Meet Motely Crue
Have potential access to a major Hollywood blockbuster
Sit court-side at a Basketball All-Star game

...is by joining Peace Corps Bulgaria

Hope this cleared things up a bit.

Crom is smiling on Bulgaria

"I say you he dead" -Drunken Hillbillie

2009-05-03T02:43:00.001-07:00

Found this gem in Varna. The Colonel's power is like Sauramon: all seeing and ever present. Crispy chicken be with you.

Are you Feeling Lucky...or with a pocket full of change?

2009-05-02T10:07:00.000-07:00

Casinos in Bulgaria are about as frequent as Starbucks in Seattle. Essentially every 7 feet. I always treated these oases of gambling with a healthy buffer zone, because, there is nothing as sad as a broke Peace Corps volunteer who ALSO happens to be in debt thanks to nickel slots. But, the allure of neon and roulette was just too strong to pass up (that, and there was a casino attached to the hotel I was staying at). I figure I'll walk in, play 5 lev, and be on my way. Noooppee. To even go into the casino, I had to have my ID card scanned, a picture taken, and all cameras put in storage. Needless to say, I'm not psyched at this point. About 10 minutes later, when I had gone through black jack customs, I entered....what can only be compared to an adult chuckie cheese. There was no glitz of the deliberately tacky Vegas, but more like a designer saying "Ah, close enough". Slot machines and more slot machines. They even had electric roulette, which seems to take some of the fun away in my opinion. I head over to the change booth, to get some chips, or what I assume will be chips. NOOOPPEE. For my 20 lev, my two friends and I received a bucket of 10 statinki coins. So we were sitting there with 200 coins, which looked identical to game tokens at an arcade. I did hit it big, 50! on a slot machine,...which took my brain a few seconds to calculate as 5 lev. One saving grace of the whole equation: all drinks are free. You have to fight to even give the waitresses a tip.
In summary, I came out 5 lev poorer, but with my dignity in tact. Las Vegas is going to be ok for the time being.

(You don't see it coming, but there is a giant casino inside)

Happy St. George's Day

Stuff. Happeing.

2009-04-29T11:58:00.000-07:00

So much has happened in the few short weeks I devoted to being lazy.

Neighbor's dog had puppies
I was involved in naming process of afermentioned puppies
Went to the Bulgarian Basketball League All-Star Game
A carnival came to town
I signed up for an 11k with the following options of 1k or 50k
Taught the youth of Bulgaria to throw a football, and only managed to hit 2 people in the head
Awesome visit by the family
Went swimming (its a big deal)
Was confused yet again
Had starbucks for the first time in this hemisphere
Occured a new nickname based on a Kanye West song (its pretty easy to figure out)

All this and more. More details coming shortly. My 5 day holiday break starts tomorrow. Until then...I hope Obama's next 1,460 days are just as efficent.

Day...ah, whatever

2009-04-09T13:38:00.000-07:00

America, how I love thee. Watching a commercial for Subway or Geico brings tears to my eyes. I miss Lady Liberty. But sometimes, just sometimes, I think we need some time apart. Why? Because stuff like this happens:

"Fast & Furious" is Biggest April Opening Ever

4 April 2009 10:37 PM, PDT | From JustPressPlay.net | See recent JustPressPlay news

I knew Fast & Furious would dominate the box office at #1 this weekend, but this is still quite a shock to the system. The fourth film in the "Douchebags and the Cars That Get Them Hard" series is performing well beyond Universal's own expectations.

Deadline Hollywood has Fast & Furious' weekend projection and it clocks in at $71 mil, making it the biggest April opening in history by a lot. Previous record holder was Anger Management in 2003, which raked in $42 mil. Fast & Furious opened big Friday with $30 mil and earned an additional $25 mil Saturday.

What?

Really?

Seriously?

From the acting duo of 'The Pacifier' and 'Wrong Turn's Second male lead...really?

I'm going to blame this one on,...ah,...well, if you have a theory on this one, let me know.

Hope every is well and enjoyable sundaes in mini baseball helmets

Day 6: This is Spartaaa!!

2009-03-29T13:28:00.000-07:00

We landed on the moon!....I mean, "Michigan State is going to the Final Four!!!!"

Day 6: At the Month of Madness

2009-03-25T05:35:00.000-07:00

March Madness is the pinnacle of sports. No other event offers as much energy, excitment, and competition as the NCAA Tournament packs in. The Superbowl is great, but I feel like the game is sometimes overshadowed by the pagentry surrounding it (i.e. 2,000 commercials for the half time show). March Madness, unlike the BCS championship, offers a chance to any of the 65 teams who are invited. The "anything can happen" nautre makes for compelling, if not mandatory viewing. Sooooo, transplant the viewing experience of a sports bar, or a comfy couch at home to 1:30 in the morning in a Bulgarian block apartment with a shady internet connection steaming the game. Is it still March Madness? Of course, but the madness part really comes into affect after the 2am mark. You know you should be sleeping, but the pull of this tournament is like the tractor beam on the Millenium Falcon: you can't escape it. My biggest gripe with the whole affair has nothing to do with the tournament selection, play, or venues. It comes down to the fact that I went to a college with a Division III team, and therefore, I have no real "team" to root for. Maybe this is a good thing, and I can never feel the crush of dissapoint or the agony of defeat. For now, (and I suspect the forseeable future) I will latch on to schools of my family (UM, MSU), my geographical connections (WU, USC) or who ever is a giant underdog, (Go Western Kentucky!). I hope everyone who is a fan is enjoying this years tournament and doesn't have to watch on a 10 inch screen with constant buffering. Let the good times roll.

Day 5: Camp Rock...ed My World to Its Foundation

2009-03-23T13:58:00.000-07:00

Man, I am lazy. When I said the whole "30 blogs in 30 days" I didn't mean consecutive blogs. (There will probably be a flurry of activity around the 29th day). But fear not, I have a new entry today about a subject near and dear to the so many people,...under the age of 14. At work, I saw CAMP ROCK, and if you don't know what that is...good. You have been spared. Don't google it, don't ask your friends at work, don't turn to the disney channel and keep pretending Jonas Bros is a new Hip Hop group from the ATL. I happened to watch an episode of South Park 2 days prior to this viewing experience, and even though South Park intended to 'satirize" and "parody" the Jonas Brothers, it was scary how close them came to the truth. When it comes to this new-new kids on the block type invasion, I can only say: Be brave America and this will all be over soon.

(Also, Go Spartans)

Day 4: Watching the Watchmen Being Watched

2009-03-15T12:46:00.000-07:00

This weekend was by no small means a "typical weekend". The culmination of 22 years of development came to fruition in the magical movie theatre of the Varna Mall. I refer to the long thought unfilmable graphic novel "WATCHMEN". Since 1987, people have tried to turn this comic property into a workable piece of cinema. Terry Gilliam took the first crack and had envisioned Robin Williams as the detective/psychopath 'Rosarach', Sigourney Weaver as the seductive 'Silk Spectre', and a post Conan, pre Batman & Robin Arnold Schwarzenagger as 'Dr. Manhattan'. (We can all thank Hollywood Development for dodging that potential disaster). AND NOW, 2009, in a former Soviet Bloc, I witnessed the culmination of years of tragedy and aggravation.....and it was pretty good.
I don't want to give a whole review, just a few highlights and observations on my viewing experience.

1) Before the movie started, I had my first hamburger in approximately 2 months. It was a Burger King Whooper. This did not sit well with my stomach

2) You can drink beer in Bulgarian movie theatres. The movie was almost three hours with previews. This did not sit well with my bladder

3) There was a kid who was somewhere between 8-10 sitting two rows behind me who did not stop talking from the moment I sat down

4) About an hour into the movie, a character on screen kills a man with a butcher knife. In the head. This same kid left immediately after wards. I felt no remorse, only the burning sensation of why any parent would take there kid to a movie like this.

5) I only have a few problems with this movie. The most glaring is a scene at a cemetery. I know what a cemetery looks like. I am fairly confident you know what a cemetery looks like. However, with this logic aside, the camera does a sweeping crane shot over a giant cemetery; row after row of tombstones. Then, the camera pans up to a sign over the cemetery; the sign reads: "cemetery".

I can't truthfully say who will like this film. I wouldn't recommend it to everybody, and even the nerd faithful could go either way on this one. It is easily the boldest, gutsiest decision I have scene by a movie studio, and in this era of formulaic, sequel-o-rama's, there is nothing more pleasing than seeing someone take a chance.

So in conclusion, have a happy st. patrick's day

Day 3: I am on the map

2009-03-14T16:41:00.000-07:00

On my daily searche for Chris Farley videos, I came across this gem. Relevant? Yes. (Wait until 7:26, 7:27 and enjoy)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BLkfhJn7-b0

(This is always relevant when your dealing with Chris Farley)

In other additional news, Bulgaria is still cold and the people are still awesome.

Day 2: The Apcolypse Comes Early

2009-03-13T03:19:00.000-07:00

I had a livelier entry planned, but on my way to work this autrocity caught my eye.

Its like,...Mad Max meets Space Jam

Or Hoosiers and I Am Legend

Or He Got Game...minus the game

And to make matters more bizzare, this happened over night. Playing H-O-R-S-E on wednesday; Judgement Day on Thursday

(I hope there is still standing basketball hoop where you live, and have a great Friday)

Day 1: Peace Corps or Sunset Strip?

2009-03-12T03:16:00.000-07:00

Day 1 of the Java Script Gauntlet starts with news to end all news. I thought about holding this back for sweeps week, but I figure you have to pull your audience in early. As many of you may know, I live in the Rock n' Roll Capital of Bulgaria. This is not my fabrication. This is truth. An 80 year old women in Isperih confirmed this for me. It is common knowledge in this country that if you want your fill of 80's rock n' roll or heavy metal, you go to my town. Even the mayor, who is an awesome guy, is known throughout the land as "The Metal Mayor" (An earlier blog entry can confirm this will a Deep Purple gold record, and numerous murals ranging from Billy Idol to Alice Cooper). The crowning achievement of the metal music season is the Kaliakra Rockfest. This is a huge deal. 20 to 40 thousand people are expected to attend. The stadium is roughly a ten minute walk from my house. I have not felt this sort of anticipation since Episode I: The Phantom Menace. Since I arrived here in October, my mind has only been focused on this event. The line up was supposedly a hugh secret, and was not to be announced until the very last moment. Well Ladies and Gentlemen,.....all is revealed. On July 1st...........the streets will shake......because.....

MOTLEY CRUE is coming to town!

Am I excited? Oh yeah. Do I like Motley Crue? Um,.....sure,...maybe,...I really don't know. My only two experiences with the Crue is their VHI 'Behind the Music' episode, and my good friend Chad chronicling his 'forced against his will' trip to see them. But come on; this is awesome! I am now closer to meeting rock stars than I ever was in America. Traveling 7,000 miles has away from LA and Orange County has actually brought me closer to the rock scene. If you told me this a year ago,...well,...not exactly sure how I would react, there would of been a fair amount of disbelief. So, in conclusion,...join Peace Corps and you will meet Tommy Lee.

(here is my whole impression of what being a rock star is like)

The Java Script Gauntlet

2009-03-08T11:46:00.000-07:00

A happy and healthy March 11th to you and yours. Today is a big day for many reasons, a few of which I will with hold until the suspense has reached a fever pitch. For starters, as of this day, I promise to have 30 straight blog entries for 30 days. Why? Is it the people you constantly question my dedication to the blogosphere? Or there is just some much happening that anything less than 30 straight days would do a disservice to my service? I'm going to say: not exactly. Today marks the beginning of something very near and dear to my heart, and eventually, my two years in this great country. I am speaking about none other than the Kavarna Film School Project. If you want to take a short walk on over to http://kavarnafilms.blogspot.com you can read all about it. In bullet point form, it goes something like this: I love movies, I'm a film major and kid's here love movies. Combine all three and you have the makings for a made more tv movie, and one project that can have a long and lasting impact to everyone involved. However, with that said, I need all the help I can get. SO please, I beseech thee, tell everyone you know about this blog and its companion http://kavarnafilms.blogspot.com . Tell your friends, your friends' friends, your great aunt sally, UPS person, gym instructor, Sushi chef, old guy who calls you "Frank"; anyone who will listen, please tell them. I don't want to get all afternoon special, but this has the chance to help a lot of kids and it might be an opportunity they never get otherwise. I really do take this job as a gift and a blessing, and I want to make the most out of it. I know with the constant support of my family and friends, I will succeed. The love and encouragement I have already received during my short time here is nothing short of amazing. Before my mom starts tearing up, I'll wrap this up: Let the 30 day challenge (not involving McDonalds) begin!

p.s. http://kavarnafilms.blogspot.com

p.p.s Thank you everyone

p.p.p.s http://kavarnafilms.blogspot.com

Mistaken Nationality, Fermintation, and Ratings

2009-03-03T04:07:00.000-08:00

Talking with my good friend Greg, we came to the conclusion that Peace Corps is the greatest untapped potential for a sitcom. Everything you need is here: crazy cast of characters, interesting situations (both funny and exciting), drama, and intrigue to leave people on the edge of their seats. How many episodes of 'Friends' could feature a donkey cart ride, home-made alcohol, and neighbors thinking you work for the CIA? With this in mind, I present for your viewing pleasure, the first installment of (working title only) "Peace Corps Millionaire"

Ext. Long Shot, Afternoon

(An empty street, with more stray dogs than cars. Bloc apartments dominate the frame, making a guessing game of what year we are actually in.)

Long shot of a lonely figure walking past a giant Mural of Alice Cooper

Quick close-up on all things American: Northface logo, nike swoosh on shoes, and ipod cord dangling off

[With an homage to 'Do The Right Thing', the main character walks over a chalk drawing in the street, which has "Peace Corps Millionaire" written]

Only sound heard is coming from the ipod; Flo-Rida

Suddenly a loud voice booms:

VICTOR:
English! English!

[A confused Peace Corps volunteer looks around, then does the obvious thing, and finally looks up to see Victor on his balcony]

PCV:
Oh, strazti. Az ne English. Asum ot America

[Victor, a man of 50, white a great white beard and matching fro, looks, smiles, and says:]

VICTOR:
Come, English

PCV:
(To himself)
Does he need a map,...England doesn't even look like America...

Cut to Int. Victor's "office": A basement room full of bottles, tools, and two giant barrels of a clear substance that is definitely not water

VICTOR:
(Talking a mile a minute, with the only understood words being "English")

PCV:
(Nodding politely)
Yep,...oh, yeah,...most def,....yep,...still American.....

[With a lull in the "conversation", Victor pulls out two glasses, and proceeds to scoop out liquid from the two ominous containers]

[He hands one to PCV, and says, "Nas Gravi!". They clink glasses, and PCV downs his like a fraternity pledge. Victor sips his patiently]

PCV:
(Having a mini spasm)
Woah,...(coughing),...that ah,...thats,...mnogo dobre

VICTOR:
(Stunned to see it downed so fast)
Eschus li?

PCV:
Another? Sure,..I mean, I can do one more...what is this?

[Flash cut to black and white montage]

V.O. "Welcome to the history of Rikyia" There are no South African breweries to give you peace of mind, or label approved by the FDA. All I have is a man and his word. The word is in jumbled Bulgarian, but the toothless grin tells me all I need to know: This clear substance may or may not be strong enough to power a car. Those of you saying "Well, how strong can it really be?" don't know your Bulgarian liguors. American beverages such as Smirnoff or Jack Daniels top out at around 40% proof. Typcially, rikia is about 55% proof and makes your tummy feel all warm and fuzzy. Also, it is suppose to cure all major headaches, fevers and stomach aches (no scientifically approved but rigorously supported by the local 55 and over crowd).

[Snap back to the present]

[Camera follows glass to PCVs lips, and then appears to seamlessly follow the glass back down, only to reveal a whole host of other glasses. Its been close to an hour)

PCV:
No, no, no....Randal Cunningham,...any day of the week.

Victor:
(Wobbling slightly)
[From Bulgarian] You,...you,..look like snoopy

[Jump ahead 26 1/2 minutes)

PCV:
(Eyes are completely glassed over now)
Now,...I don't speak Bulgarian to ...good...but,ah,.."As e te, shte pisha rikyia vasecki den" [Subtitled as "I and you will drink rikyia every day"]....cool? Alright,...catch ya on the flip side...

VICTOR:
English!

PCV:
Yeah,...ok,..

[Fade to black. Single word appears: Integration. Fade to black]

Well, thats a slice of life that I-,..or someone like me has encountered. Stayed tuned for next week's installment, and maybe, in the near future, it will become a webisode. For now, use your imagination and hope all is well in all the land (B-to-I-to-S-to-C)

Ideas: A National Crisis

2009-02-25T03:19:00.001-08:00

Project brainstorming is hard; getting into the mindset of a 12 year-old Bulgarian is not an easy task. You have to ask yourself "is this worthwhile?", "is this sustainable after I leave?", and "does anyone really care about baseball?". Peace Corps Volunteers have a high rate of success in their projects, but occasionally, there is a few miscues. I present to you, the top 5 worst Peace Corps Projects*:

5. How-To Class on Internet Piracy
4. George Bush Appreciation Society
3. Big Mac Eating Contest
2. Amy Whinehouse Dress-Up Day
1. Gladiatorial Combat

(*This list in entirely fictional, and has never, ever even entered the though process of the wonderful volunteers of Peace Corps Bulgaria,...promise)

My Childhood: Part Deux

2009-02-20T06:03:00.000-08:00

Question I get all the time is 'why did you join the peace corps'? There is no one reason and I doubt piece together one in this brief entry. However, one small piece of my development is attributed directly to one person. No, not my wonderful parents, or my brother, not this is someone outside the bloodline. Of course, I am talking about my childhood idol and hero, Ken Griffey Jr. If you are around my age, liked baseball as a kid, then you know where I am coming from. Mix in the fact that I lived in Seattle for 8 years, and it makes perfect sense. Why then am I talking about this 39 year old soon-to-be-hall-of-famer? Because the greatest thing to happen to Seattle since a couple of nerds built computers in their garage has happened:

9 years later and the prodigal son returns...

This really has nothing to do with Peace Corps, Bulgaria...but no one said excitment was rational.

Next entry topic: Why Warren Moon should come back to the Seahawks

Best Question Ever

2009-02-19T03:10:00.000-08:00

This isn't a full entry; just a quick note:

On monday, someone asked me: "Tobias, what does "Space Jam" mean?"

And now I realize why I am here,...and I couldn't be happier

Why does Thursday the 12th get the shaft?

2009-02-12T01:17:00.000-08:00

Its Thursday, February 12, which can only mean its time for a blog entry.

This time I thought I would focus on anyone who is coming to Bulgaria in the near future. Any questions, feel free to ask.

The first picture is intended for any prospective Peace Corps Volunteers who are coming from a warm climate to the magical lands of Bulgaria:

yes, these were once shoes. Get ready people, it is going to be cold. However, don't think its all bad,....you can improvise...

Snow+frozen pizza= just the way mom made it,...or you and your roommates in college did.

And on the subject of collegiate friendships, Bulgaria is ripe with remembrances of years past. The third largest (and best) city in Bulgaria, Varna, has an amazing mall with digital projection movie theatre, KFC AND Subway but also the best arcade I have seen since elementary school. What does this have to do with friends from my university days? Not much, but this picture sums up everything that is great about America:

When you play this game, a single tear rolls down your cheek,...and it is red, white and blue,...and it is searching for Osama Bin Laden.

From rambant Patriotism, we move right along to what makes my job so great; the kids (cue:awwwwww). I play soccer with them, or they ask to see my killer jump shot. If I even get close to the backboard, they all cheer for me. Biggest ego boost around.

My homeboys and girls are great, but when we play soccer, they also stick me in goal, and I'm not allowed to kick the ball (I think this is for my own protection or to keep my shoes pristine,...not sure). However, they ask me to throw the ball, which is wierd, but it seems entertaining to them. So I do a little wind up, and hurl the ball, which always get a giant cheer.

That about does it, but I promise to be a little more timely with the next entry.

Celluoid birthday

2009-01-30T02:39:00.000-08:00

Today I turn 23, or in the words of my good friend Kelsey, "You are just two years away from legally renting a car". To commemorate this silver, no,...ah,...quartz?....whatever 23 works out to, I decided to take a stroll down memory lane the only way I knew how: through movies. I wanted to look back at all the movies that have influenced me through the years. In trying to think of a list, in somewhat chronological order, all I could come up with was this:

which soon led me to:

at which point I thought of:

So now I'm thinking: Did I fail? Based on these films, all I should aspire to be is a ninja who a) surfs b) solves crimes c) has a grandfather of asian descent even though his parents are clearly of anglo-saxon origin. But to break these down: I'm afraid to get punched, kicked, or slapped in the face which probably eliminates the ninja lifestyle. I would say surfing is in option, but since I was 10 I have been mortally afraid of stingrays which might create a problem. Then theres the wise mentor. I, personaly, do not know any 6 foot talking rats with an encyclopedic knowledge of the warrior code, nor do I come from a long line of mystic ninjas. Therefore, I come to the conclusion that being 8 was awesome or life in the early 90's was taken for granted.

So in conclusion, thank you for all the birthday wishes, and to the parents with kids born in the 80's who graciously chaperoned trips to the cineplex or were dragged against there will to toys-r-us to buy the latest Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles action figures: thank you...and COWABUNGA!

2009-01-26T02:05:00.000-08:00

Today is january 25th, and judging by my last entry, this means I am very lazy. This statement is only half true. While I am on the lazy side (my alarm clock is set for 11am) I had a busy, busy couple of weeks. First and foremost, I went to the glorious city known to the world as Amsterdam. I will remember by another name: "The place with the best cheese, thai food, hamburgers and french fries, and every other emenity I have been missing for the past 6 months". Sadly, my camera had no batteries so if your curious about my travels, google "food" and "Amsterdam" and that should bring you up to speed. However, of particular interest for this trip was where I stayed: The Amsterdam Hilton. Now, Hilton hotels have been synonomous with my vacations, mostly because my dad's name is Hilton and my middle name is Hilton, but the Amsterdam Hilton was different. It was the site of John Lennon and Yoko Ono's famous Bed-In to promote world peace. Or in the words of wikipedia (whoever words those may be):
"Knowing their March 20, 1969 marriage would be a huge press event, John and Yoko decided to use the publicity to promote world peace. They spent their honeymoon in the presidential suite (Room #702) at the Amsterdam Hilton Hotel for a week between March 25 and 31, inviting the world's press into their hotel room every day between 9 a.m. and 9 p.m. After their other stunts, such as the nude cover of the Two Virgins album, the press were expecting them to be having sex, but instead the couple were sitting in bed—in John's words "like Angels"—talking about peace with signs over their bed reading "Hair Peace" and "Bed Peace"."

Big display in the lobby and our room happened to be on the 6th floor which is the closest I came to touching history.

Take care every one,....and give peace a chance

2009-01-03T12:16:00.000-08:00

Hey Party People-

Usually, there is a log jam of "year in review" articles at or around the 31st of December. They are amusing, but kind of grow into a feeling of resentment or gloating. To buck this trend I thought it would only be appropriate for a new approach:

"The First Firsts"

First time I've even been bit by a dog (no skin puncture, just ripped jeans)

First time I have had (and purchased) a beer in a movie theatre

First time I have seen someone crash a bike,...while walking it

First time I've been driven around in a donkey cart

First time I've seen an indoor skating rink that is actually just white plywood

First time I've been asked to translate the words to a Lil' Wayne song

First time I've been referred to only as "English" by a neighbor (i.e. "How are you, English?")

First time I've been paid more for shipping an handling than the actual item I want to ship

First time I've even been schooled by a 10 year old in soccer

First time I've throw garbage into a dumpster only to have a cat jump out at me

First time I've had homemade alcohol

First time I've been asked to drink homemade alcohol before I've had breakfast

First time I've seen peanut butter and did a celebratory fist pump

First time I've watched a live sporting event at 3am

First time I've seen energy drinks sold in 2 liters,....yes,...2 liters.

So there you have it. Confusing, amusing, and always entertaining.

And with my first 5 months committed to the history facebook, I eagerly await the next 21. I hope everyone had a wonderful new years and may you all seize the world of possibilities 09' has at our collective fingertips.

To the Lonestar State, to Buffa-love, to Tahoe, to The Great Pacific Northwest and all the peguins in between; Happy 2009

2008-12-18T12:53:00.000-08:00

Kavarna is a beautiful town. I love it. Can't get enough of it. The only glaring problem I find is the noticeable lack of street signs. To get anywhere I have to rely on something much greater than signs...rock stars. Sit back, put on some classic tunes (preferably anyone who was popular 20 years ago, dust off your leather jacket and enjoy.

From Seattle to Orange County to Buffalo to Tena, hope all is well.

Balto 2008

2008-12-03T05:38:00.000-08:00

Thanksgiving: A time to be with family, a time to celebrate the blessings in your life, a time to walk on the highway at 5 in the morning...well, only in Bulgarian.
This weekend was my fist Thanksgiving in a foriegn country, and my first doing battle with Bulgarian transportation. So far, I have been lucky, and every trip I've done on has involved a direct route and no real problems. This weekend, BG got the better of TH Hewitt. Here is a play by play of my trip:

Friday 7pm: Take the last bus to Varna, 3rd biggest city in Bulgaria, with the goal of taking a night bus to Yablanitsa. The bus leaves at 11:45pm, which gives me enough yime to catch a movie, buy 11 cheeseburgers for thanksgiving, and leave in a timely manner.
Friday 10:45pm: Saw "Body of Lies" and left wanting to work for the CIA. My backpack is now full of cheesesburgers and I am certain my sweatshirt will smell of McDonald's for the next 2 years.
Friday 11:15: I realize any bus stop past 9pm is really shady and not a fun place to be.
Friday 11:40: I leap onto the bus as soon as the doors open. Cheeseburgers still warm.
Saturday 4:45am: A bus attendant tells me my stop is 15 minutes away. I am slightly dissapointed I won't be able to see the end of "Death Race" because I know the third act will really pull everything together.
Saturday 5:00-5:09am: I see a giant sign for Yablanitsa. I see another. And the bus keeps moving. And keeps going....and going. Yablanitsa signs have been replaces by road signs indicating Sophia is 62 km away. I tell the bus driver that Yablanitsa is (was) my stop. He looks at me, then tells me no problem.
Saturday 5:10am. The bus stops at a gas station and I am told "Its Yablanitsa". I get off the bus, and instantly the cold air attacks every inch of skin on my body. I know Yablanitsa is to my left, so I do what any reasonable person does; I start walking.
Saturday 5:12am. Two minutes into my journey, it starts to rain. Life is funny to me.
Saturday 5:47am: Life is not so funny.
Saturday 6:09am: I am now waling in a storm drain because on-coming traffic scares me.
Satrday 6:18am: I slip on something and eat it on a hill. My hands are numb so falling down leaves me indifferent at this point.
Saturday 6:32am: I start hallucinating. I tell myself I am on the modern day Iditarod, but now 10 mcdonald's cheeseburgers have replaced the diphtheria antitoxin
Saturday 6:47am: I start to question wheather or not I will be arrested for hitch-hiking. Every car now makes me incredibley paranoid.
Saturday 6:57am: I seriously debate eating all the cheeseburgers. I settle for one.
Saturday 7:00am: The most glorious sight I could behold; off ramp for Yablanitsa. I once again fall down a hill but I land at the bottom of a sign that reads "Sofia 80 km". I suddenly think back to the start of my journey...I have walked 18 km. Even though the comforting sign of Yablanitsa is in sight, I fail to read the bottom, which says '5km'.
Saturday 7:01am: As I summon my stenght to go another 5 km, a car begins to slow down behind me, and I hear the worst sound in the world: A police siren.
Saturday 7:01 +10 sec: :What will a Bulgarian prison be like, I wonder.
Saturday 7:02am: I am asked where I am going and what I am doing, all in Bulgarian. Luckily I make out the key phrase of "I am visiting a female friend" or preatilka. The police officer asks me her name. I say "Jenna", and then without a moment to pause he says "Jenna Back?". I say "yes" the most emphatically in my life. He tells me to get in the car, he will take me to her house.
Saturday 7:10am: I am walked to the door step of my friend's apartment, and given a hardy handshake and smile. The officer wishes me a nice day. I made it.

Life is funny sometimes

Family Fun mInus the Family

2008-11-27T02:31:00.000-08:00

Kavarna is home to my 14th favorite sports team, the Kaliakra Football Club, but by far my favorite division 2 Bulgarian soccer league team. Home games are spectacular, especially the game I went to with my Bulgarian tutor on saturday. Now, I have been to games in my 4 major sports, and nothing can compare. First, games are free if you show up early, parking is free and any liquid known to man can be brought in. The only real drawback to the game I went to was the weather; absolutely freezing cold, hurricane winds and pouring rain. I once went to a Seahawks home game in December and that seemed like Tampa in the summer compared to this. Luckily, Kalikra's faithful are treated to covered seats, but due to the harsh winds, only the back to rows were safe from the rain.
As both sides marched onto the field, the entire crowd erupted into a chant of "hiday!" which basically means "hurry up". And this really set the tone for future chants and taunts. I saw seemingly mild mannered older gentlemen transform into soccer hooligans in a manner of seconds. This nice man seated a few seats down from me, said hi in a very pleasant manner, but as soon as the first call went to other teams way, he was throwing down something about someone's mother. And on top of this, someone brought a megaphone and would sporadically yell random phrases, but we sounded like the old grizzled father on telemundo. If you've seen telemundo, you know what I'm talking about. And to top this off, when the line judge called Kaliakra off-sides, a man literally charged the fence to give me a piece of his mind before he had to be restrained by his buddies. First half was awesome, and I figured it would all be down hill for the next 45 minutes. I was both right and wrong about this prodiction.
Remember how I said it was freezing cold? Well, I assumed it was in the low fifties since earlier that day I went running in shorts and t-shirt. Well, it was much colder...much colder. At the 55 minute mark, with the rain still coming down in buckets, my tutor nudges my arm and says something that sounds like "snyak". I have no idea what this means, but he points up, and keeps saying it...and then I realize he is referring to the snow which has begun to fall. Freaking snow. My first thought is "Man, a soccer game is a horrible place to freeze to death" but then I start to notice how horrible it must be for everyone on the field. The poor ball boys are soon rescued by the team equipment manager who gives each one a team parka, which promptly hangs down to their ankles. One player on the other team is bravely wearing a short sleeve jersey, and snow has started to collect on this hair. When the ball is within 50 feet of him, he runs like the wind, just trying to stay warm. Pretty soon, the whole field in a white blanket, and the ball is barely indistinguishable. I can't feel my toes. The cigarette intake of the fans has risen from smoke every 5 minutes to every 30 seconds, but most people can only last 2 puffs, before their hands get too cold. My shoulders are now permanently hunched over. My tutor leans over to his friends and informs him I am from Orange County. This gets a huge laugh, and if you told me a year ago I would be freezing my butt off at a soccer match in north-eastern Bulgaria, I probably would of laughed too.

I am Peace Corps, and so Can You

2008-11-17T23:48:00.000-08:00

Self-esteem problems? Not feeling up to your usual stands? Or maybe you just had a bad day. The cure all solution: Teach english to 4th graders in Bulgaria. I can not overstate this enough; teaching english to 4th graders in Bulgaria is like scoring a touchdown in the superbowl, getting prom king/queen, going to Disneyland with no lines. And all you have to do? Draw pictures of animals from Finding Nemo, write 3-digit numbers, and read a story that is 4 sentences long.
When I arrived to the classroom, there was pandimomium. Kids were literally pushing each other over to look at me. One girl just stared, and then all at once blurted out "Hi-bye-hello-howareyou-hi". The game plan for the days lesson consisted of learning about the weather, telling time and sea animals. Surfing came up too, and two boys wanted to show me what surfing looks like, and eventually I had 15 kids pretending to surf. Mid-way through my tutorial on sea-horses and sting rays, a little girl, Natalie, ran up to the teacher and whispered something, then ran back to her desk. The teacher then told me she really wants to tell me the months of the year. Natalie, who by this point was about to jump out of her seat with a mile-wide smile, stood up and said 12 months in under 4 seconds. When I said "dobre" ('good' in Bulgarian) she giggled and every hand in the class shot up with the hope of showing off their calendar skills. Other high points were the number game, and when I asked everyone to share their favorite food, the only two responses were "hot-dog" and "pizza", which always generated a laugh from the class.
I was about the leave, backpack on, when a swarm of kids swamped me, with everyone strangely silent. Then the teacher told me "They want you to come back". I played to the crowd, and did a greatly exaggerated thinking face. Paused a few seconds for effect. And then told them of course I'll be back, which held to an eruption of "yeahhh!!!!!!". Followed by kids actually dancing (seriously) and yelling my name (which was adorably pronounced as "Two-bee"). My self-esteem is through the roof.

Happy Halloween

2008-10-31T06:02:00.000-07:00

Halloween in Bulgaria is kind of like 'Boxing Day' in America; a few people might know about it but no one really knows what it is about or would ever celebrate it. Unfortunetly for my well-being, Halloween is my favorite time of year and I am sorely lacking the haunted houses, ghoulish creatures and that one guy who still thinks it funny to be Borat. In an effort to bring some American culture to Kavarna, I had a pumpkin carving day, which was met with intrigue, excitement and enthusiasm. However, I tried to have one kid help me scoop out pumpkin guts and he looked ill, like he had just preformed an autopsy. So other than scooping out 13 pumpkins by myself, the children here all did a great job designing their pumpkins. And a local media outlet came to videotape the proceedings as well as interview the goofy american who came up with this idea. Unfortunetly, they decided to interview me when I was elbow deep in pumpkin and covered in orange ecto-plasam. I was told to hold a pumpkin the whole time, which just looked awkward. Plus I was interviewed in Bulgarian and as any B-24 PCV will atest to, my bulgarian language skills sound like a mix between mandarian and a computer.
I hope everyone else is having a great Halloween, filled with tons of candy, Halloween Oreos with the orange filling,...and monster fest on AMC, and Knott's Scary Farm,...and special Halloween episdoes of "Family Matters",...and cookies in the shape of a ghost or a bat, and,...well I should probably start there. Happy Halloween Everyone!!!

Best Day of Work So Far

2008-10-27T07:45:00.000-07:00

My busy task of googling my own name of suddenly interupted by the director of my children's complex calling out "Tu-bee-us, Tu-bee-us!" I jumped into action and raced down the hall to see what was a-foot. Turns out the door to her office is jammed and they hoped I could McCyver it open. Unfortunetly, my skills are not what they should be and I proposed going in through the window, which also yeilded little succes since the door still would not open. Out of ideas and frustrated at the door's poor craftsmanship, I felt defeated. As I was about to tuck my tail between my legs and meander back to gmail, when one of my co-workers looked at me and said "Schwarzenegger". She then proceed to make the international sign for 'kick the door down' and pointed to me. Not wanting to jump the gun, and not quite believing my life-long goal of breaking down a door was about to materialize, all I could muster was a faint "kakvo?" (which means "what" in bulgarian). Then my co-worker said "Seagal, Stallone" and kept making a kicking motion. This was it; I was in. Two kicks later and BAM, that door went down like Liston in the 8th. And for the record, this is a true story, and I may or may not have muttered a "yippie-ki-yay".

2008-10-15T11:12:00.000-07:00

While I have the opportunity, and the proper internet connection, here is a few pictures of my journey this far, plus, my long lost son.

I live next to a 30 foot mural of Billy Idol

2008-10-13T06:57:00.000-07:00

If the subject line to this email isn't enough to garner your
interest,...then I guess 80's rock just isn't your thing. Swearing in
was on thursday, and it was amazing. Amazing and incredibley,
cripplingly, agonizingly nervracking. I gave the speech during the
ceremony, which by itself is no big deal; However to throw fuel to the
fire, I had to give the speech in my native tougne and my not so
native tougne, Bulgarian. AND the day
before my language trainer informs me that 7 news stations have been
invited, with the biggest (BTV) definetly attending. True Story;
after we have just taken a group picture, my languge trainer tells me
(and this is almost verbatum) "Don't worry about the BTV camera a few
feet in front of you. Really, its not that big of deal". I managed
to pull it off and even had a few tears in the audience (surely from
my emotion words, not my butchering of the english language). The US
Ambassador was very friendly, and when I get around to it, I will send
you the picture I have with her.
After a fun night in the capital city and a not-that-bad hostel
stay, it was off to my future life in Kavarna. My new apartment is
sweet. Its on the 5th floor, or as I will tell everyone "the
penthouse sweet". I live in a studio, with a good sized bathroom,
couch and bed, and a kitchen with tables and couch. Plus I have a
balcony, with came with a kitten who is one of three friends I have in
Kavarna. I have named him Special Agent Jack Bauer and he loves gasoline.
Life here is nice so far, but I have gone through my Simpson's
dvd's pretty quick. My landlord's daughter, who speaks a little
english and therefore always comes with my landlord to talk to me,
told me her favorite country is California. I thought that was nice.
There is a ton of nice restaurant's here. My personal favorite is
"Kakadu". Think of a Bulgarian CPK (plasma tvs, cool artwork and good
pizza). Went there my first night to watch the big game. Bulgaria
vs. Italy of course. Ordered a salad, awesome pasta, and two beers.
I thought I went overboard considering I'm on a fixed budget but when
the bill came, I owed 11 dollars. What a country.
To wrap this up, on my first day of work, I am told there is a
"Scout" meeting on friday and if I could lead it. I asked what I
should do and was told it was Scouts. And then I was given a Boy
Scouts book which was clearly written before Carter was in office. I
will let you all know how this goes.
-Tobias "With A Rebel Yell" Hewitt

2008-10-04T05:57:00.000-07:00

The Long and Endless Road

10 weeks so soon? As I write this I have but 3 short days left in the busy world of village life. I will be departing my host family, and all the comforting emenities such as a washing machine, food, and lively conversation (or watching Survivor: Bulgaria during dinner). My Bulgarian language training has also drawn to a close but believe me when I say it will never really end. I have my final test on monday to see if I can actually comprehend this language. I have to place in the intermediate- low category. I see myself as more of a novice-advanced but time will tell. With the onslaught of winter set to hit Bulgaria way to soon, I've been working more and more with my host families winter food preparations aka picking an ungodly amount of potatoes. I've really started to get the hang of it, but thats probably because I am always given the most basic, rudamentary task. ("Tobias, can you pick up this and put it over there?").
Harvesting aside, I have been chosen by my fellow peace corps volunteers to give a speech at our swearing-in ceremony. Big honor and I will not dissapoint....until I found out I have to give my speech in english AND Bulgarian. Good times to come. My group's community project was designing a mural, incorporating a "welcome to...", the map of Bulgarian, the EU logo and the town's crest. Kids from the town helped to paint it and we also had face-painting, trash-pick up, introduction to the musical styling's of Jay-Z and lessons on how to throw a football. All-in-all a very successful day. So successful, the local news channel (Rilia) came to interview us. It was close to 50 degrees at the time but I felt compelled to wear my go-ing away present. Yes, it is a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles t-shirt that says "Say Yes to Pizza, Not Drugs" but I believe the youth of Bulgarian need to know where I stand on narcotics and delicious entres.
As I wrap this up, I would like to give a special shout out to an awesome person: Miss Emily Harper. All of Bulgaria is thinking about you (well, just the part of Bulgaria that went to Santa Margarita High School) and wishes you a speedy recovery!

2008-09-22T03:34:00.000-07:00

Four things that will be explained in far greater detail next week:

What its like to be on Bulgarian TV
The fan experience during a small town soccer match
How Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, Jay-Z and 2 liters of paint go together
An explanation of why next year could include Sylvester Stallone

Hope the school year is off to a great start and all those current graduates are watching some quality day-time television.

2008-09-12T04:44:00.000-07:00

Play by Play of my Trip to Kavarna:

Wednesday:
5:15: Wake up but only in a physical sense. Mentally I am still in imagination land, playing shuffle board with Alf.
8:06: After hour car ride to train station, and waiting around for awhile, first leg of journey begins with 2 hour train ride to Sofia.
8:08: Train stops unexpectedly. May or may not be because of a cow on the tracks.
10:35: Arrive in Sofia, run to catch the bus for Kavarna; asked if I speak French.
11:00: Bus leaves, and I am told it is only an 8 hour trip. I pass in and out of sleep, waking up to (in chronological order) Die Hard 4, The Big Lebowski, Hot Fuzz and a French film about pies to the face and imperialism.
7:35: The Black Sea is welcoming me as the bus finally reaches its destination.

Thursday

My hotel room overlooks the sea, and there is only one other group of people in the entire hotel; a Russian female water polo team. For breakfast, and just about every other meal, I am the sole client for the restaurant staff. I am picked up at 10am on the dot, and am whisked away by a personal driver. First stop is the town center, which looks alot like down town Santa Monica, just with more capris. I am shown the Mayor's office (Tsonko Tsonnev is his christian name, by he goes by 'The Metal Mayor' for his love of Heavy Metal Music. More on that later). Introduced to numerous members of the municipality, and given chocolate repeatedly. The crem de la creme of the office is a gold record signed by all the members of Deep Purple. How many people have held a Deep Purple gold record? I assume its in the single digits. After a brief walk around the down-town, I am shown the excellent children's complex, which will function as my main work place. Rooms for art, fashion design, internet, board games and anything else I want to come up with. Staff is incredibley nice and I tell them how much I look forward to my new job.
Next stop is the sports complex and the stadium. I will split my time between the children's complex and the sport's complex. However, I take a tour of the table tennis warehouse, and I know instantly where the bulk of my time will be spent. The stadium of Kavarna can hold approx. 40,000 people for concerts and also is home to a professional soccer team. Decorating the gym walls in the sport's complex is various banners of past concerts. To name a few: Billy Idol, White Snake, Slayer, Motorhead, Manowar, and....Robert Plant. I still have to ask my counterpart if I am actually in the Peace Corps, or did I get rerouted to a parallel world.
Exhausting morning makes way for a lazy afternoon,..at the beach. The town of Kavarna sits on a hill 2 km from the beach, and 1km from an olympic sized pool. At the beach, I am asked "Are you wearing basketball shorts?" numerous times. I should be in euro-trunks by the end of 2009, tan willing. 3 minutes into swimming I realize I am out of shape and haven't been swimming in over half a year. After another 30 minutes of struggling to stay afloat, my counterpart makes a bold statement "You are white. Do you tan?" I tell him I have two years to work on it. Eventually I make my way back to the hotel, where I fall asleep watching RoboCop 2.
Next day I am in for a treat: there is a kickboxing tournament at the Sport's complex. I am asked sheepishly if I would like to go, as if my bougesoi tastes would be above to human beings kick the crap out of each other. I am in the car, ready to go before I can even respond with a resounding "yes". There are teams from everywhere in Bulgaria, with ages from (not kidding) 6 year olds to professionals in their late 20's. The little kids fighting are awesome. They have more padding than stuntmen, and three refs constantly monitor the fight, which seems to stop every time there is actual contact between the participants. Slightly strange then to see a boxing ring adjacent to these kids, where grown men are throwing right crosses, kicks to the abdomen, and generally destroying each other. The head of the tournament has a gym in Kavarna and asks, through my counterpart, if I would like to try kickboxing. Just then a man is knocked out cold on the canvas. I tell him I have to ask the peace corps, and then I pray it is against PC policy. My time's up. More to come. Go Dodgers

2008-09-01T05:32:00.000-07:00

Just found out my permanent site: Go east, when you hit the sea, go up. There was only one spot on the Black Sea and out of nowhere I got it. Really did not see this coming, and I am pleasantly surprised. Lots of angry looks from my fellow PCV's. Apparently the town is awesome and town center is less than 2 km from the beach. Plus, and this is a huge plus, my new city is the Rock n Roll capital of Bulgaria. Black Sabbath, Slayer, Sting, Dio to name a few have all played there. Yes, the jealousy has begun. Here's a picture.

Hallejuah

2008-08-31T22:33:00.000-07:00

I am not a sinner. Boastful? Blasphemous? Pretencious? Possibly, but here in Bulgaria my sin-free soul has been scientifically proven. At the awe-inspiring Rila Monastery, there is a cave about 3 miles away where a monk lived for 12 years with no physical immenities to test his devotion to God. What does this have to do with me? Well, you can go inside the cave (which is now more or less a shrine) and at the top is a whole. It is believed that only those who are free of sin can fit through the hole. Presto, instant weight off my mind.
My weekend excursion was a great experience and helped clear my mind of this impending monday: my permanent site, were I will spend the next 2 year,s is going to be announced. Will it be a big city? A small village? Will the people be nice? Will there be a 24 Hour Fitness? So many questions.
And to end on a positive, mystery-free note, I brought a little bit of college life to my small town. The picture is of my host father, Ascen and I. Good times.

2008-08-25T06:14:00.000-07:00

Crazy couple of days here in the Bulg. 100 degree fever, a puppy bitting my toes off, learning that Bulgarian basketball is truly 'no blood, no foul', etc., etc. The little teddy bear in question is known as "Rocko", "Tobe", "Simba", "Quake", "Spiccoli", "Lil' Stamos" and "Jaws". I spent an hour and half with this guy and in no special order he chewed on my fingers, my toes, my shorts, my leg hair and my achilles. He started out not even go near humans, but in only a weeks time he is already coming up to me, playing with me and sending me christmas cards. The name situation is combination of what transfers to Bulgarian and his personality. "Jaws" seems very appropriate at the moment, but name suggestions are always welcome.
I have also begun my social integration with the youth of Bulgarian by regularly playing basketball with a few kids near my house. This is not like playing at the local Y. Court lines are different, nets are non-existent, and there are no rules. My limited vocabulary doesn't include "traveling, double-dribbling, 'hey, I think you just elbowed me in the face'". Games here include of volleyball style sets and full on tackles when you drive to the hoop. One of the kids, Mario, has a pretty nice grasp on English and he would ask me "Whats your favorite team, favorite player, where are you from" and I now have the nickname "Hollywood" (At least its not Goose).
And now the bad part of my week: a 38 degree fever!...celcius, which took me a while to figure out is around 100 degrees farenheit. I woke up after a horrible night of sweating, shivering and overall discomfort to inform my host dad "Polen", which means 'I'm sick'. He gave me a me a look, felt my burning forehead and said "Your're fine". But my pathetic look probably changed his mind and he took my temperature to be 38 celcius. I did the tried-and-true method of times by two and add 32, which gave me a temp of 108 which would probably mean I was dead. One Peace Corps medical kit later and my self diagnosis revealed a low-grade fever of 100. Luckily my fever broke pretty quick and I only wasted 9 hours of my day.

2008-08-18T07:56:00.000-07:00

Hey Sports fans-

Some people find loose change in their house, others find their car keys. At my host family house, we found a puppy. In a room usually reserved for wood and other winter necessities, there was a puppy no bigger than my hand who looks a little like a cross between Balto and a sheep dog (pictures coming soon). I couldn't believe it. And no one really reacted to this treasure of adorableness. My parents, and their grandchild who was visiting for the day, looked at each, asked the bulgarian equivalent of "whats its name?". A slight pause, then "Two-bee"! Laughter all around, and my mark has been left on this great country.
What else is happening? Its really, really hot here and the finals for the women's air rifle competition was better than in 2004. HAVE A GOOD ONE

2008-08-11T08:51:00.000-07:00

My host father Assen is a real character. To paint a picture in your head, imagine Mike Lopez at 63 and you have a pretty good foundation. Then mix in Jacque Cousteau's face, but Bulgarianized (really use your imagination). Finally, add kindness, humor and a great big ol' heart. Wait 63 years, and presto, Assen.

2008-08-11T08:43:00.000-07:00

This is the greatest and best puppy in the world. And he lives next door to me. Thy name be Gina
And the little Tiger Woods is Christopher who refers to me as "Tooobe"

Tilling the Land

2008-08-11T08:41:00.000-07:00

(I should be in the process of getting wireless access just about every monday, so every monday it is my hope but not my promise to update this)
Aug 7th, 2008

Today, I think I became a man. I went out to the fields and picked plums. Sound easy? Thats just the sheltered college educated young adult in you talking. How many times did you go to your job in a donkey chart? I'm guessing its in the ballpark of zero. Its a surreal experience going down the street by donkey-power. Add to the surrealness when other donkey charts stroll past you, and your preception as to whether or not this is Amish country begins to set in. From the brisk ride on our trusty steed, I arrive at a giant hay field. I freakin hate hay. I downed two claritins and told myself this was my vision quest. I popped another claritin. We come to a giant tree which dominates the field. I start thinking I'm going to have to call on my 7 year old climbing abilities but "come to find out" its time to get down and dirty. I spent close to an hour picking plums off the ground, which was covered in hay. The subtle sound of each plum returning to their fallen brotherin in my bucket almost made the hours fly by. My work was rather stationary as I couldn't move more than one of two steps for fear of crushing the bounty below us. I tired to make a game out of my toil: how not to look like a South-Orange County white boy. I think I changed a few minds but time will tell. And then it started to rain. And then there was lighting in the distance. But damnit, I wasn't going to quit. And then I found out we are going back tomorrow. However, everything was made worthwhile when it was discovered the purpose behind the plum picking actually was: all the plums are used to make a homemade liquer called Rikia. So, like the dream of all fraternities, my house will have a giant tub of alcohol made entirely within the premises. Bulgaria, how I love thee.

and here is my new address:

Tobias Hewitt
c/o Peace Corps
Zora Community Center
2 Nikolavska str. floor 3
2600 dupnitsa , bulgaria

Bulgarian TV

2008-08-04T05:20:00.001-07:00

Today I watched Sonic the Hedgehog in Bulgarian. People might say "the Effiel Tower at sunset", climbing Mount Everest, or building a house but,...watching Sonic the Hedgehog in Bulgarian is something everyone should do before they die. Top of my Bucket list. And something that only I would find funny is that there are so many American tv shows over here, which were all cancelled prematurely. They advertise shows like "Kojak" (Ving Rhames version which lasted less than 1 full season) and Karen Sisco. Plus, Lunka and Assen both love watching tv with dinner, which makes meals seem a little less foriegn. The show of the moment is a Spanish soap opera dubbed in Bulgarian. I think I'm getting the plot, but I just can't figure out how Ivan managed to date Nikola's mom while at the same time arranging the accident which took his own brother's life? Must be a translation issue. But I did watch both Animal Planet, Galaxy Quest and A League of Their Own in English today. I wasn't being anti-social, but my family had to go to a funeral. And that my friends is how to end a blog on a positive note.

Host Familia

2008-08-04T05:18:00.000-07:00

(I don't have internet at my house, but we have training which very conveniently has wireless, so pretend these entries are spaced apart)
I have met the human personifications of kindness and there names are Lunka and Assen, my host parents for the next 3 months. Both retired and both barely in their 60's, they love nothing more than to see me full with food. This is their 3rd time having a Peace Corps volunteer, and they are all smiles and big laughs. Only downside: they know zero English. (Well, Assen does know 'money' but he uses it to describe something that is crazy...I think). First night was strange but luckily everyone on their street came over to see me, and two boys, Victor and Chris (3 & 6) showed me their collection of race cars and Harry Potter cards. I am making friends already. Everyone here has been great, and one man asked me "Espanol?" and our interactions have consisted soeley of phrases I picked up from trips to Cancun and Puerta Varta. The pictures are pretty much self explantory but if you can't figure it out, use your imagination and come up with a magical tale.

First Couple Days

2008-08-04T05:13:00.000-07:00

Upon landing in Sofia, the reality of 27 months became a little more vivid in my mind, but the countless American billboards dotting the airport created a strange sense of "am I really in Bulgaria, or did John Wayne Airport have a few retrogrades?" Our entire group was whisked away to a mountain retreat about an hour away from Sofia, and this place was magnificent. Retoric and rules were counter-balanced with excellent buffets and goregous hikes (so goregous that I broke my rainbow sandals trying to scale a mountain which was dotted by an abandoned chair-lift). Bonding took part largely around the ping-pong table or the bar (end record 11-1 and 2 beers) and I can say with confidence and earnst that this group is amazing. Everyone brings something new and exciting the B-24's and will make for a fun-filled 2 years. Also, in between Anchorman quotes and Mitch Hedberg jokes, the painful process of Bulgarian language lessons began. Luckily all the teachers here are incredibley friendly and very good at what they do. Patience will be key. The culmination of the "all-too-brief" training was a formal dinner complete with a Bulgarian dance troop as the entertainment. We were invited to learn a few dances before the evening, but nothing could prepare us for just how good these dancers are. Men and women in exact formations with close to 20 minute dance numbers. Good stuff. All the Peace Corps volunteers were invited to join afterwards and the video I have is mostly guys looking really intense and counting dance steps in their head. Not exactly Step Up 3: The Bulgarian Way. After about an hour, a change of music was needed and I was all too happy to fill this request. Rhiana, JT, Flo Rida and Kanye (courtesy of Jessica) blasted. I danced a little bit in front of everyone, and for some odd reason the Bulgarians loved it. A family that happened to be staying in the resort were going insane according to fellow PCV's, and the crowning moment of the entire night was a member of the Bulgarian Dance Troop coming over to me afterwards, handing me a beer and saying the equivalent of "good job". American/ Bulgarian intergration has begun.

In the Airport From Die Hard II (Die Harder)

2008-07-26T14:00:00.000-07:00

In our nation's capital at the moment, and the home of lady liberty is lookin' good. My room has a sweet, Michael Bay-esque view of the Pentagon. And across from that I can see our America's largest phallic symbol, the Washington Monument. Training has been rather entertaining, and every here is pleasant, nice, and easy to listen to. I must say, its been a great couple of days.

Tomorrow is the big exodus and everyone is excited. I could never have conceived of how thrilling this moment would be way back in November when I started the whole application process. Everyone here is more than I could of ever hoped for and the next 27 months look extremely bright. See you in August.

Two All Beef Patties, Three Hours of Sportscenter, and Four Trips to Target

2008-07-23T15:43:00.000-07:00

Just had my last cheeseburger, and it was like biting into Ambrosia. I wouldn't say I'm too picky of an eater, but I needs to bring the glory of cheeseburgers to Bulgaria or I will go Shinning-style crazy. It's really weird at the moment to think "this is the last [insert cherished American food or activity] for the next 2 and 1/2 years". Remember those girls in high school who were always close to tears the entire last month of your senior year over the simplest things? "You guys, this is the last time we are going to have lunch on a wednesday". I tend to avoid the sentimental, but watching the top ten highlights on ESPN was pretty hard. I mean,...how could Jack Wilson's catch at short be better than Coco Crisps' diving catch in the bottom of the fourth? It gets hurts a little bit inside...

Catchy-catch phrase

2008-07-23T00:58:00.001-07:00

Best Questions and Quotes So Far in Regards to Bulgaria:

"Oh nice, I hear Bolivia has awesome food"

"...don't they have Vampires?"

"Well, over there its probably legal"

"Is that next to Mexico?"

"Damn,...27 months is really only like 2 years"

"No, seriously, they have a James Bond movie about that place"

"You gotta go save the world from vampires,...Van Hewitt-Sing"

27 months is nothing

2008-07-21T14:32:00.000-07:00

This thursday, July 24th, at the crack of noon, I'll be departing the sunny shores of Seattle for the hot "oh-my-gosh-al-gore-was-right" weather of Arlington, Virginia for the staging portion of my Peace Corps experience. Am I ready? No. Have I started packing? I have all the DVD's I want to take lined up, and thats about it. Do I know Bulgaria? I know how to say "Do you speak English?" Am I excited? Beyond belief. This is like the first day of school, a midnight movie for an actually good movie (so not Spiderman 3) and a first date all rolled into one. I'm nervous, but excited, scared yet intrigued. A wealth of emotions are coursing through my mind right now, and I wouldn't want it any other way.

I doubt I'll be updating this blog as often as I plan to, but I'll make an effort.